Things on this call were going pretty normally. The guy wanted me to wear high heeled shoes and walk around in them; I achieved this by grabbing a pair of heels and hitting them on the wall. (As if I’m getting off my comfy bed to walk around for you!). He then asked me if I would crush things for him.
Surely I didn’t hear that properly?
No, I did.
“Well, what would you like me to crush?” I asked, perplexed.
“Snails.”
I stifled the urge to scream “WHAT?”. “Did you say snails, babe?”
“Yeah. Crush snails with your heels.”
“Er, okay… I’ll go see if there’s any out in the garden.”
“Okay.”
In a panic, I jabbed the secrecy button and yelled at my husband, relaying the request. We stared at one another in a panic for a few minutes before I had a brainwave. We’d had a fry up earlier; “hon, is there any egg shells in the bin?”. He ran and got a couple.
I left the caller on hold for awhile. Might as well bump up those minutes! I held him for five, and he was still there.
“Okay, I found one.” I told him.
“Crush it under your shoe.”
“Right.” So I put the egg shell down and crushed it, holding the phone to the scene as I did so. When I put the phone back to my ear, all I heard was “ooooooooooooohhhhhh”, an orgasm noise and then he hung up.
That man is OUT THERE SOMEWHERE! Women, beware!
